A Frank Post

I wanted to check in here. I really miss blogging but despite my ache to get back to this little spot on the world wide web Im still at a loss for the motivation to post regularly and in need of more time to really sit down and share what all is going on in my world.

Ever since moving to Nashville my life has been a bit of a whirlwind. A whole lot of change! I guess that is how life happens, Change All At Once. I think, as they say, change can happen slowly sometimes, gradual. But sometimes it's like your world just gets turned upside down by one decision that affects everything else.

I love Nashville. Truly I love it. I vibe with this city. I dig it and I love it. Granted, I cant proclaim to have explored every nook and cranny that this city has to offer yet, quite the opposite actually, I feel like Im still, after hmm... almost 6 months, getting settled on an internal and emotional level that has left me with little time yet to venture into all this city has to offer on the level of entertainment and cool-ness. But I WILL get to that point sooner than later I feel.

Im glad I moved on the cusp of winter. Because for me, sudden change inevitably brings a winter to my soul - deep soul searching accompanied with a plethora of emotions ranging from euphoric joy to despair and depression. It's just who I am; I feel things deeply and it often times takes me a good bit longer to accustom myself to new situations on an emotional level. I will get 'there' eventually, but after many years of dealing with the 'winter' of change my psyche often puts me through when life events occur, I know myself well and know that these winters are often great times of growth that lead me, ultimately, to more self discovery and personal strength. Though hard, they are a gift.

And that is where I am right now. Trying to settle myself in the physical and the emotional in this city I know I will call home for quite some time.

I moved here with the naivete that it would be easy to find a place to live that would be the equivalent to my deeply loved little home in Birmingham... It wasnt. Not only was I naive about the price of living in a metropolitan city (as metropolitan as you get in the south) but also about my ability to replace my love for that settled feeling 'home' brings in a brand new city that offered nothing familiar and everything unsettling.

After a two week stint in an extended stay hotel I like to refer to as HELL I was lucky enough to find a semi affordable home in a semi ghetto/semi hipster area of town - The catch to the affordable price- No central heat or air. Oh yea! Getting wild over here.  I have to say though, It's been nice. Its a place I can call my own when I was worried I would be taking up permanent residence in that god-awful extended stay.

And although, not "ideal" (spoiled me talking here) after many tears of "I wish I could move my condo from Bham here, this doesnt feel like home, why is this city so expensive" and living without my furniture for three months, I finally packed up my belongs in bham and made the no central heat or air house as much a home as possible. And some how between freezing in the basement that offers no shelter from the winter cold and the wall heaters upstairs that dry my skin out and make me feel like a snake, I have come to love this ghetto/hipster side of town and Im happy to have some place to lay my head and come home to at night.

On the job front, It's been the hardest thing emotionally to overcome. I left a company I absolutely adore and believe in, ultimately to move to a city that I knew I would love and to be closer to family. I knew I wasn't trading 'up' in terms of work atmosphere but I didn't take into consideration just how hard leaving a  company that loved and valued me and who I mutually loved and valued would be. IT HAS BEEN FREAKING HARD. But I am thankful to have job. And after a few months of self pity and a harsh learning curve I now go to bed on Sunday nights praying "God give me grace this week" and ultimately walk into the building with a good attitude. I KNOW there is a point to me being at this job. despite how different and awkward I feel most days, I know deep down this IS part of the plan. That is comforting, and in the end, what makes it bearable.

I know all of this sounds like one big complaint - It's not. I am happy, I am content to walk through this season of change and settling knowing that I wanted this change and that ultimately life happens and things are good. There is always something good in everything. Despite this somewhat emotional 'winter' I am full of joy. I see my family more often than I have in the past 7 years. I have the ability to wake up on a Saturday morning and decide on a whim to go spend the day with my parents, something that couldnt happen in Birmingham. I have a boyfriend who makes me extremely happy and is a man I am happy to call my significant other and who makes me proud for just being who he is (and he has a beard :) ). I am in a thriving, fun, artsy, cultural, exciting city! I love it! I feel like I fit here and that is only a feeling I know will grow. I am forcing myself to meet people, get out of my comfort zone, and at the same time I am also learning the art of patience. Patience knowing that things happen gradually. I cant expect to move to a brand new city and have everything in life be perfect. It will take time to find the perfect 'home', time to find my perfect career fit and time to find a new group of friends. But I have the patience to know that all those things WILL come because I believe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.