I gotta get out of this mindset of "This is Wrong" and more in the mindset of "Just Love" when it comes to my thoughts on religion and well everything else really.
I have been thinking A LOT about religion the past few months.
I'm not one for a bandwagon really. I am just skeptical of bandwagons when it comes to anything besides music really. Because honestly, yes, I have jumped on multiple top 40 bandwagons for the shear fact that Katy Perry and The Blacked Eyed Peas DO make my Friday nights a little bit more fun.
But bandwagons, when it comes to anything involving politics, religion, or moral 'group think' mentalities, I try to steer clear of. I just cant get behind any sort of mass message that boxes me in. Whether it concerns my politics, religion or moral code. I just feel like a lot of things are situational and depend on the people and circumstances.
I gave up church.
There I said it.
I don't go.
And I don't like it.
Not necessarily church in the sense of how the Bible describes church: believers gathering together to grow and commune with each other. But I have given up this boxed- in- mega -church- one- prescription -fits- all mindset thing that the American church (for the most part) has going on.
I just can't stomach it.
I felt so defeated for so long trying to make myself follow all the bullet points that the preacher spoke about each Sunday that would improve my life and trying to fit into a small group with people who you know for five minutes then never speak to after the semester of small group ends.
And I really got freaked after I read this and thought that if I didn't save the world, give all my money away or serve every minute of every day that I wasn't really following the gospel.
I Honestly questioned my Christianity for a good month because I felt so freaking defeated after reading that book.
and, good lord, don't even get me started on all the theological shit that people talk about all the time are you Calvinist or Armanian or a TULIP or a I-need-to-categorize-you-as-best-I-can-in-order-to-know-if-we-can-really-relate bullshit.
It literally made my head spin, made me sad, made me feel like something was wrong with me and like I would never get it.
Then I talked to my dad.
The wisest, most grace filled, simple theologian, god loving man on the planet (yes I'm biased).
Who told me that I'm a child of God. Nothing can change that. Nothing. Not a belief system or rules, or some really good theology or a really famous mega church preacher. Or me saving the entire planet or instead committing every sin in the book. Nothing changes the fact that I am a child of God. Nothing.
It's just Jesus inside me. Just Jesus.
So I can experience Him anyway He desires me too as long as I tap into the inside and listen.
I can see Him in nature, in other people, in ordinary conversations with ordinary sometimes Christians, sometimes not, people. I can experience Him in music, in art, in movies and books and, well, everywhere and in anything.
He is everywhere and He is in me.
It's that simple according to Bo Bell.
I like that.
I don't really want religion.
I just really want to know God.
And I don't really want to be boxed into a list of things that I have to believe or do to be a 'Christian'. If that's the case, I'm with Ann Rice who recently stated:
“I quit being a Christian. I’m out. In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of …Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.”
I'll just love Jesus instead.
Ive just come to realize that people experience God in different ways and that is just fine. He made us in his image and if you believe in Jesus, he is inside you and that may come out in different ways for different people.
He made us all different of course!
You just gotta tap into what is inside and learn to go with it.
And really, I think it all just comes down to love. Jesus is love and all he ever did was love, not tell people what to do or how to live or what was wrong or right. He just loved people.
and that's enough for me right now.
If your just as confused as I am, may I suggest some non boxed-in food for thought:
I so love this post and appreciate your honesty. I struggled through college with my faith and now, at 30, married, with bunches of kids, I still get confused sometimes. However, I don't let it distract me from the fact that I love Jesus. I can love Jesus and my martini at the same time, even. I love being comfortable with who I am in my faith. All around me, people "do" religion and Christianity and spirituality differently. I did that. I love to absorb their knowledge and opinions. My husband is an Agnostic who is really exploring religion on his own terms and we just love to have some good talks about it!
ReplyDeleteOne of the best post I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteSeriously love that you wrote this! A lot of my girlfriends jumped on a bandwagon this past semester. They started a small group, started going to this huge non denominational church and pretty much started changing who they had been their whole lives. It wasn't for me to say the least. I'm a Christian, grew up in a Christian home, but don't go to church & I don't enjoy the small group thing. I am ok with that, and I'm glad you are, too! There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a different relationship with God than someone else! Thanks for posting, I needed to read this today! :)
ReplyDeleteMorgan
xoitsagirlthing.blogspot.com
Thank you for posting about this. I have struggled with the same things for a while now. It's nice to see that you have gotten family support, because I have not. They just don't get it! It's really helpful to know there are others out there that feel the same.
ReplyDeleteI love that quote by Ann Rice. I'm with you. For me, I quit going to church service because I felt like I was being "sold". If you haven't read Don Miller's book "Blue Like Jazz", you must! It helped me feel comforted in my own faith instead of feeling like I was an outcast. The book is all about discovering Christianity in unorthodox ways.
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastic post. Love your honesty and I agree with you 100% -- just feel Him.
ReplyDeleteCaroline, this is a wonderful post. I know who I am and what I believe in. I currently do not a attend a church because I, like you, don't like it. I am a good person and a believer but I don't find it necessary to attend church to make me a better person. Maybe one day I will change my mind but for now I am content with my faith.
ReplyDeleteCaroline @a life of color
I agree with you completely!!! At my house we both decided that we are more spiritual than religious if that makes sense. We don't go to church but we love Jesus. Well said.
ReplyDeleteI just started following your blog and was so happy when I saw this post! I consider myself a lover of God and a christian...but I dont go to church. Never have. I just dont think you have to go to a place of worship to recognize god and show you love him.
ReplyDeleteI also started to read Radical but had to stop. I couldn't handle it - it stressed me out way too much. I think that it's easy to get overwhelmed by the "bullet points" at church. I think it's good to remember that Jesus loves us just the way we are and He wants to meet us where we are. He knows that we're going to mess up for the rest of our lives, but because of his grace, He calls us worthy!
ReplyDeleteThat was an awesome post and so true. Sitting in a garage no more makes you a car than going to church makes you a christian.
ReplyDelete