dichotomy

I was talking to a dear dear friend the other night.

We always tend to have really deep conversations whenever we are together. Which is one reason why I love her so much.

Anyways.

Monday night we were talking about the dichotomy that is yourself.

I told her that sometimes I feel like I am two different people in one.

I know that probably sounds crazy, but just hear me out.

On one side I am:

Wild

Crazy

I have a need to succeed

I want a nice house

and a nice car

and a husband

and a family

and I want to go to concerts

and eat out

and go on nice vacations

and do all the things that involve the American dream.

Then there is the other side of me that

wants to peace out.

sell all my things (because really who needs them)

Move to Africa

Feed the little babies

Make a difference

get outside of myself

and live a full life

but a simple life

sans a husband

a family

and a nice house with a picket fence and blah blah blah...

But I dont know how to mesh these two people that I am.

Like my friend and I were saying.

We're so nomadic, really, at this time in life.

We dont have families

we dont really have equity in anything like a home.

We dont have a ton of responsibility

and we for sure aren't responsible for anyone other than ourselves.

So this would be the time to peace out I suppose.

Because once you buy a house

get married

pop a kid out

have a car payment

and credit cards

and junior league and church groups,

well your pretty much locked down.

All of it scares me.

Im scared to get locked down therefore I dont ever commit to things whether it be philanthropies or relationships.

and I am scared to make a change because I dont want to fail so I never really allow myself to think and dream bigger than right now.

But I am these two people.

and somehow I have to mesh the two.

but how?

Peace,